Assalamualaikum cinta.

perkongsian ilmu dan pengalaman secara tidak langsung memberi pengajaran kepada pembaca. :)

Monday, 20 February 2012


    Assalamualaikum.. fazmin (bukan nama sebenar) disini sy nk berkongsi cerita dengan korang semua tentang hidup berdikari... Cerita nya bermula dengan rumah sewa aku dan kawan2 aku semua... hidup tanpa ibu dan bapa ni mula2 memang susah actually, makan kena cari sendari untuk terus hidup, baju kain kena basuh sdri.. Hidup kami macam cite P.Ramlee "Bujang Lapok".. semuanya serba susah dlm hidup berdikari ni.. Sekarang dah 2tahun 2bulan aku hidup tanpa ibu bapa ajar aku cara2 nk berdikari... Dalam rumah sewa kawan-kawan aku macam2 perangai yang ada, bak kata pepatah 'rambut sama hitam hati masing2' (btul ke pepatah ak ni? haha), di sini bermula nya aku blajar erti kehidupan sebenar serta kesabaran & boleh tengok mcm2 prangai manusia yang ada atas muka bumi ini. mmg btul Allah cipta manusia dgn mcm2 perangai ni utk kite mengenali antara satu sama lain n utk kite saling berda'wah kn. Amey ( bukan nama sebanr) aku paling tidak suke dengan cara & gaya dia..Dia slalu nk tunjuk yg dia lebih hebat dari aku dn kawan2 semua, (tu nama dia takabbur, dosa taw jgn ikut).. Alif (bukan nama sbnr) nie sorg lg prngai lebih matang skit pd aku n semua. kami berlima umur sama tua tp pragai je xsama.. hehehe Alif nie seorg yg sush nk bgn pg, time nk balik kg masa tu dia n Amey la susah nk bgn.. kami ber3 siap dh tp dia org xbgn lg.. yg tu buat kesabaran aku semakn tercabar waktu itu... Mawi ( bukan nama sebanr) nie lg sorng budak yg sngt2 kuat isap rokok (rokok tu haram taw, ulama' dah sepakat).. xdop rokok apa sja dia sggp buat asal kn dpt rokok... Jere (bukan nama sbnr) nie lagi sorg budak bilik aku jgk, seorg yg suka2 mununjuk apa yg org ada mesti dia ade... aku pun hairan dgn dia nie,sume bnda di tahu nk buat kalu aku dpt buat gak...
    Sampai sini sja la aku nok kongsi cita aku dgn korng sume.. nati aku kan sambung balik cita aku yg xseberapa nie.. hahahaha.. yg baik jdkn teladan n yg buruk jdkn sempadan... wassalam

Saturday, 11 February 2012


It was a cloudy Friday morning. The chirping of birds broke the silence of the morning .I woke up early along with my husband. It supposed to be the special day for our daughter, Cathy. Her birthday arrived, but my husband and I had to go to a graveyard instead, where she waited there for the rest of our life. I knelt down with my hand gently rub a tombstone. Wind blowing softly, as it brought along sorrowful feeling filled my chest. Wordlessly, my heart wrecked when all the memory from the past started to flood my mind.
                Cathy lived normally like the other children. She loved to play, ran around, built sandcastles, and always looking for me to hug with. She was a beautiful and adorable kid. But something I realized about her and it got clearer every day. I was tried not to think about it, but I cannot denied the fact that she got weaker, her step got slower, and she easily got tired in the halfway. She always loved to play around, but then, it seemed like she struggled so hard to do her routine activity. One day, while she running, she was suddenly skipped her step and fell down to the ground. Without letting any moment, I ran towards, and grabbed her faint body. Her face was pale bloodlessly. I felt like all the worries which kept burdening me all this while, collapsed at once became a reality. My husband and I sent her to the hospital. Worst possibilities kept playing in our mind, but we tried to think positively. Emergency light turned off and a doctor came out with a guilty face. From the expression, I knew something terrible must have happened to Cathy. My heart stop beating and my vision gone black out when knowing that my daughter, had brain cancer and had only 3 months to live. I had fainted.
                Knowing about the cancer was the worst thing had I ever faced. I felt like my heart was smashed on a dry stone. Cathy and I were so closed. When I feel down, she had delighted me. Five years my husband and I lived without child, Cathy then came into our life filled the emptiness. She cherished our dull marriage. She made me felt like breath again. When she was about to leave me, I felt like the God being injustice to me. I felt very sad, felt lonely already although Cathy was still living. I really cannot accept the fact that Cathy was moving away from me when I needed her for longer period. I needed her so much. That was when I made the biggest mistake in my life, when I started to isolate myself, did anything to make me busy, so that I can kept myself away from my daughter. I thought that was the only way to make me less sad about her leaving me. But I didn’t realized that the thing I was doing will haunting me after her death for the rest of my life. I sank into my foolishness.   
                “Knock, knock, knock,” the door of my room have been knocked by someone. From the weak sound of it, I knew that was my daughter standing behind the door. I was just ignoring it, deafening my ear. “Mom, are you in there? Father served us dinner, let’s eat together, I want to share plate with you like we always did before,” weak voice of Cathy was calling me. Tears dropped from my eyes after hearing those words from Cathy. I remembered how we used to share our food. She used to be very happy every time I fed her foods from my plate. But I strengthen myself not to respond as she continued knocking and calling. Not for long, I chose to hurt her feeling by answering, “stop calling me! I’m busy in here, just have your dinner!” I yelled. “Ok mom, I’m sorry,” she replied with a mixed voice. She was even too weak to cry. As I said those words, tears burst from my eyes.
                The same things happened on the following days. She kept finding me and I kept avoiding her. For me, there’s no point to be happy if I knew it was not for so long. I knew finally, I will drown into sadness. My husband always tried to understand, but he also reminded me how wrong I was reacted. I just gave up and let him manage her welfare. Those things dreaded for two months. For Cathy, the last thirty days of her life was the toughest. She could barely speak, her eyes could barely open. That period was when she needed me for the most. It was tough for me too. I just lock myself in my room while counting down the last thirty days. The truth was, my behaviour hurts Cathy a lot. I made her emotionally tensed. For god sake, she was only eight, having brain cancer that really sensitive to emotional change. I exposed her into an unhealthy environment. I thought she was still having her thirty days, but on that night, my husband knocked the door so hardly, he yelled with panic voice; “ honey, Cathy’s condition going wrong! She keeps skipping her breath! For the love of God, please come out before too late!” On that moment, I realised about what I have done for the past two months. I dug my own grave, all those mistakes stroke at once. I felt like thousands needles prickled on my heart. The rain was not drip but poured. “Cathy!!” I yelled out aloud. I tried to catch her last breath, but all were too late for me. Cathy was gone permanently.
                I looked down to Cathy’s calm face. I stared at every lines and curves on her face. I could saw she suffered a lot from brain cancer. I had supposed to reduce her suffering, but instead I doubled it. I felt very sinful and guilty upon her. I cannot stop crying. Slowly, my husband handed a little box to me. “Cathy asked me favour to give this box to you. That was her last wish. You might want to know it’s content.” He whispered. I locked myself alone in the room with Cathy’s dead body by my side. Slowly, I opened the box. It contained a lot of candy wrappers with a pink note above it. Cathy wrote the note, she said:                                 
“Dear beloved mom,
                Do you still remember all these candies? You were always bought my favourite candy when returning from work every day. Every time I finished eating a candy, I will kissed its wrapper and keep it in this box. So that, one day when you opened this box, you will receive thousands of kisses from me. Father made me understand the reason you kept away yourself from me. I knew it all along that you never hate me. Mom, I love you so much and thanks for giving me such a great time. Please make a place for me in your memory so that I can accompany you forever.
*Life is precious, live it and never lose fight, I will miss you for a lifetime.
                                                                                                                                                Love, Cathy”.
After reading the last words from Cathy, I cried for her name aloud, so did with my heart. I hugged her dead body and kissed her face many times. My soul filled with useless regrets. But I knew I have to let her go and move on with my life as she wanted me to be. I will never lose fight.
                When I realized, I was still holding the tombstone. I wiped my tears and cleaned the grave. I looked up to the sky, I could saw her smile. The clouds moved on as the sky got bright again. So do with my life. All in all, I will never forget those days and I promise myself to be a better mother. 

Friday, 10 February 2012


Salam sejahtera, semoga Allah rahmati anda semua..

Kepada pemerhati Abe Mat Slekeh, Sama ade melalui FB, Twitter, dan blog, mesti anda semua tahu perkembangan dan tumbesaran abe mat bermula daripada geng lipat mase muda2 dulu(hehe) hinggalah abe mat jadi tua kerepot hingga nampak slekeh(hehe again)..Almaklum, dulu abe mat suke lipat orang, xkiralah tua atau muda, yang mana abe mat rase xkena, adela yg trkena. So abe mat nk kongsi sikit la ape yg abe mat blajar daripada pengalaman melipat ni memandangkan ramai antara kita yg suka condemn orang dengan ayat2 tajam dan memanaskan telinga. fenomena ni juga dapat dilihat dalam dunia korporat apabila orang yang lebih berpangkat 'menukul' orang2 bawahan mereka. Perkara ni membuatkn orang yg besar kepala menjadi lebih besar butut atah dahi manakala mereka kene terjah akn lebih rase terhina. Adakalanya jadi marah dan berdendam. Bak kata adik bongsu abe mat, naruto, adik kepada kakashi naturo(tgk fb): chain of hatred will be born....

saudara saudari yg dihormati,

kebanyakan mereka yang suka mengamalkn perangai ni merasakn bende tu perlu kerana ia mencerminkan ketegasan dalam mengubah sesuatu kekurangan.Maka, disitulah bermulanya kesilapan kite....
Ye, memang betul, sesuatu kesilapan perlu diubah, tapi tidakkah lebih molek jika kita ambil pendekatan dengan lebih berhikmah?perlu ke jadi sinis dan guna ayat2 pedas untuk menarik perhatian orang sekeliling?Abe Mat dulu mengamalkn sikap macam gitu, rasenye seronok, tapi fikir2 balik, manusia yang kita condemn tu bukannye baru sehari dua hidup atas muka bumi ni. Dengan umur yg dh banyak, hidup dengan latar belakang yang kita tak pernah tahu, setiap manusia membina pandangan hidup masing2, sama ada betul atau salah, perkara tersebut terbina atas rasional pemikiran sendiri dan kita sebagai random guy to a random guy, biarlah sebagus mana pun kita, tunjuklah rase hormat sesama manusia dan sebarang teguran, buatlh secara berhikmah. Pilihlh ayat2 yang tidak akan menyentuh perasaan mane2 fulan yg mendengar. These apply toward the older n the younger. Bak kata pujangga katak yang selambe dan tenang," hormati yang tua, sayangi yang muda". oung...oung...oung...


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